Contemplation
The world’s dirty secret, turning 41. Today, or by the time I finish editing this, yesterday I turned 41. I had made a promise to myself that I would make 2019, the majority of my 40 year, memorable. I feel that I have accomplished that. By The time the ball drops for 2020 and the new year ushers in it’s resolute promises and commitments, it will be time for me to rest. As I sit in quiet reflection over this year I began to calculate some of 2019’s incredible statistics.
At the conclusion of 2019 I will have perhaps accomplished the greatest year I could have ever completed. It is amazing to think about what I have been able to accomplish. However, something feels inherently wrong. Everyday I wake up and look in the mirror. Everyday I stare into the eyes of the man in the mirror and every day he seems the same. Why then does he look different from the young man I find in the pictures of 20 years ago?
I realize, as I stare at that man in that mirror that there is an unspoken dirty secret of mankind. We grow, we age, we expire, but we always see the 18 year old in the mirror everyday. It is amazing to me that I am responsible for my own children. I do my best to guide them, to parent them, to be responsible for them. Yet I realize I am in some ways the same unsure, unsteady 18 year old I was all those years ago.
I feel like him, I feel that I look like him, I feel that I am him. However, everything else around me says differently. I realize in my communications with my teenager and my pre-teen that I am, in effect, ignorant. Where I once was on the cutting edge of culture and progress, I have in a sense, remained that 18 year old in the mirror. Where I once pioneered popular culture, I now am lost in it. No longer understanding the plight of adolescence, unable to relate to the modern struggle of youth.
The Dirty Secret
I am reminded of a song lyric of my younger days that I did not understand until recently. Not that I couldn’t have understood it before recently, I just hadn’t heard or thought of it in years. “What’s the Frequency Kenneth” is a song that was written and performed by one of the greatest bands of my generation and a home grown group from Athens, Georgia called REM. “Irony is the shackles of youth”. How powerful of a lyric is that.
Every generation, no matter how far you go back, is the best in it’s own perception. It could not be any other way. We and our peers are always more progressive than the former generation, more hip than the former, more enlightened than the former. There is always a youthful distrust in the previous generation. Think of the youth against Nixon, Clinton mobilizing the youth against the conservative establishment.
And here I stand looking in the mirror realizing that I am the former. It is a strange thing to realize that I am no longer the youth of the nation, no longer relevant to now. None of us are, or will remain so, yet we will always feel that we are. Nobody feels old or the adult that they have become, that my friends is the world’s dirty secret.
I have realized in this self discovery that part of my incredible year has been, at least in part, to stave off the realization that I am the former and no longer young. I will always feel young and will always act young, I just might not relate. When my children talk of popular culture I am lost. Forever I will be the 18 year old in the mirror and what will be relevant to me is still what was relevant to the 18 year old all those years ago.
The Statistics
So lets get to the stats. I started compiling the numbers and I impressed myself. I also, consequently, realized how insanely intense it has been. At the completion of 2019 I will have accrued these stats.
I will have flown 75,207.66 miles – enough air miles to circumnavigate the earth just over three times. That comes to 178 hours on an airplane, or just under 7 days. That includes 3, 13.5 hour flights and 3 15.5 hour flights. I will have ridden over 3,021.4 miles by either car, bus or motorbike to get to destinations. This number only calculates travel to locations, not daily driving or riding around.
I will have gazed upon the Persian gulf, the north sea, the Indian Ocean, the gulf of Mexico, the Black Sea, the Mediterranean, the Labrador sea, the bay of Bengal, the Andaman Sea and the Caspian sea. I will have dipped my feet in the Pacific ocean, the Caribbean sea, Lake Michigan, Lakes Huron and Superior, the South China Sea, the An Lao river and many other rivers and lakes in Southeast Asia.
In addition I will have explored 2 of the top 3 cities in the world as ranked by Travel and Leisure. Chiang Mai in northern Thailand and Hoi An in central Vietnam. Hoi An, ranked number 1, is a city I have visited no less than 4 times this year and will visit many more I am sure. I have explored desserts, mountains, jungles, forests and cities across the globe. It has been a year I don’t soon expect to duplicate. But one can hope.
Yet the greatest achievement of 2019 was, among all the adventure, my marriage to my beautiful wife Diem Nguyen. That I am realizing is going to be the greatest adventure of all. A journey that will be so wonderfully never ending. A perpetual adventure of learning and discovery. I love you Diem. I can’t wait to ride the elephants through the jungles of Thailand, I hope your ready.
The Conclusion
In all of this I have realized that I can accomplish exactly what I want in this world. Through hard work and determination anything is possible. It’s been a year of discovery both within and without. I never thought I would find the agape that fills me now. To all that helped and guided me along the way I thank you.
Particularly to my family, my parents, my brother and my children. To my wife with whom I would have never made it out of the jungles of Binh Dinh without. Always watching over me and never allowing me to be taken advantage of or become lost. The most beautiful translator anyone could ask for. We’ve been separated for a time now and I look forward so intently to seeing you in two short weeks.
So to all that have given cards or Birthday wishes I thank you. It’s been the greatest year I can recall and I look forward to many more. Farewell 40, it was a wild ride, but it’s time to see what 41 has to offer. I know that I am just getting started and there are so many more adventures waiting to be written. As the Constant Epicurean I bid my readers ado for now, there are so many adventures I must begin as there is much to write. God bless you all and thank you for joining me in my travels.
Best regards,
Dennis Davis, the Constant Epicurean
