We had another snag at the government complex and our paperwork was to be pushed off another day. This time however, we dealt with an older woman who seemed more professional and human than the gentleman we had been dealing with in days prior. She seemed sympathetic to our situation and advised us to wear collared shirts and long pants when we returned the next day as a sign of respect as we would have an interview with the Representative head of the Provincial People’s Committee, or in our case the District People’s Committee as Da Nang is one of 5 zones controlled directly by the Central Government and not of provincial control. It was he and he alone who could issue our marriage certificate and a scheduled meeting with him I took as a good sign. She also informed us that yet another fee would be required for his signature. The one thing I’ve learned about the system here is that all business with the government requires a “fee” at every step. An elevator of bribes, the more you pay the faster and higher you go and what you need is always on the top floor.
We had a relatively quiet evening in with a simple meal and some general lounging around as we got our clothes ready for the next morning. It was a quiet evening, both in contemplation of whether this really would be the last step. We comforted and reassured each other as it had been quite a struggle over the past few weeks and the end was so close it almost seemed unreal. We turned in early, wanting good rest to be ready for whatever came our way.
The roosters crowed and the sun shined through the curtains as they always did in Da Nang, very early. The day was usually as bright as noon by 6 a.m. and the world here roared to life at the first sign of light. We awoke to the sun high in its perch and began to prepare ourselves for our appointment. Still unsure of what to expect we took a taxi as to not melt in our clothes with a motorbike ride across town. We arrived at the complex finished some last details with the paperwork, paid what I hoped would be our final fee and were asked to sit and wait. Sometime later a professionally dressed woman came and asked us to follow her.
We went down several hallways of the open facility as she explained in English that we would be meeting with the representative of the People’s Committee for a brief interview and we were to answer all questions honestly. We were escorted into an enclosed air conditioned office where a man in a short sleeve button down shirt sat behind a simple desk with two chairs in front. On the desk was a very large handwritten light blue bound ledger containing marriage records for the district. Beside it a stack of certificates. Two official originals, one for me and one for Diễm and a few official copies for each of us. He explained that in Vietnam you are not married until your ledger page is signed by a person in his position and that the formal nature of marriage here was unique from the west. He asked a few questions about us, our time together and what our intentions were.
Our petition for marriage had been hanging in the halls of both the Department of Justice headquarters in Hanoi and the local office for the people’s committee for comunes for some time as required by Vietnamese law. There had been no complaints against it or to the legitimacy of our union and he explained that all requirements had been met and he would now sign our certificates. We would also each sign the large ledger which his secretary had already filled with our information. With the final stroke of our pens we were finally married and our certificates were handed to us in a golden frame. I asked the secretary if she would take a picture of us, picture taking in government buildings is highly prohibited here, but this was a special moment and she obliged.
The moment seemed surreal as we headed out of the complex, jumped in a taxi and headed home. We changed into some more comfortable summer attire and headed to the mall for a good western meal in celebration. at Al Fresco’s we ordered chicken wings, quesadillas and of course a cold beer. After lunch we had a couples spa treatment, she had a 1 hour facial treatment and I had a full body massage which I slept through most of. Out first afternoon officially husband and wife we were finally married. I could now petition my government to allow my wife passage to the U.S.
The dark reality was now beginning to creep into the light, It was time for me to go. It was time to go home and begin the next step in our journey. I would have to leave my wife behind, it was the only way to secure a future together. It would prove to be one of the hardest decisions I would ever make. Most things I’ve faced in my life that I had to stand up to or fight for I was given no option. It’s easy to be brave when you have no other choice, nothing left to lose. It’s a very different and difficult thing to show courage when you knowingly put everything on the line. To leave someone whom I love so dearly, someone who is so precious to me behind for an unknown amount of time in a world unforgiving and often cruel and ruthless is difficult to deal with. We knew the challenges we would face and the difficulties we would have to overcome. Beyond the challenges of state and distance there would be challenges of community and acceptance, none of this mattered. It is probably the first time I’ve made a real choice and chose the path that was paved in my heart. It was a choice void of ambition, self-interest, it wasn’t wrapped in a blanket of ulterior motives. It was a choice made entirely in love. To live a life worth living one sometimes must make great sacrifices. He who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing. There is an old Hindi saying, everything will be alright in the end, if it’s not alright then it’s not the end.
Life is sometimes, oftentimes an odd thing. For 40 years I have tried to find my way in this world, fought to keep things I thought were important, spent time and energy battling the many enemies that have crossed my path over the years. I’ve been stripped down to nothing and kicked when I was down. When there was no more pain to feel, when I reached the point that I finally let go. That point where nothing could hurt me anymore and my heart was finally filled with peace, it was that moment, that moment I quit trying to find what I thought I should be looking for, that moment I let my destiny control my fate and truly put my life in God’s hands, in that moment everything fell into place. We have both stepped in to the path least traveled, I know I for one, am already better for it.
